Everyone always bangs on about January and how long is it, and yes, we all know January is a long month, blah blah blah. But this year January has hit me harder than ever before!
We celebrated Danny’s birthday on the 17th and it feels so long ago already. We had the best day. There’s actually nothing I love more than day drinking and eating with my best pal.
But payday was just so far away for so long and all plans for 2019 were being made all around me and bit by bit my wage was disappearing before it even hit my account.
Weddings are like buses aren’t they. A few years ago, 2015, I had 3 weddings to attend, and 2016, I had 2. The last few years, nothing. This year, boom, 3 weddings. Along with this, I also have 3 hen dos to attend. With the 3rd hen actually being for a wedding next year.
Whilst I’m obviously super excited about these events I can’t help but feel a bit sad that it means I probably won’t get a holiday with my boyfriend this year. Reasons are 2-fold: We’ve both got various weekends away for pre-wedding/wedding activities spread right across the summer. And therefore we’ve both got no money. I’m holding onto the thought of a cheeky last minute all-inclusive getaway somewhere but I’m not convinced.
I’m still fighting my depression. Some days I feel so full of life, and others I just want to curl up in a ball. I sleep deeply but I dream excessively so I wake up feeling exhausted. It’s becoming relentless!
One of the things I learnt in therapy is that anxiety is basically just a sense of not feeling yourself. Something I’m guilty of doing is putting myself out for others. Going way over where I need to go to ensure that the other person is happy and content. I always thought it was a good thing, and a great quality to have, however in exchange this can often mean that I am left uncomfortable or stressed as I’m trying too hard. Sounds ridiculous until you break it down. The summary is essentially to be more selfish.
So on that basis I’m dedicating February to self care. I’m going to make sure I eat well. I’m gonna try my best to get to the gym. I’m booked in to have my hair cut and coloured. And to have my nails done. I’ve got a new bra on it’s way, and I’ve just ordered some new make-up. I want to feel good for myself.
I’ve also been really enjoying reading to care for my mind, and I’m currently reading The Tattooist of Auschwitz. It’s a little bit dark, but I’m finding it interesting. (Any other book recommendations welcome!) I loved Dolly Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love. It made me feel normal. A reminder that nobody is perfect, we just don’t tell each other that.
The last thing i’m focusing on at the moment is de-cluttering. Following the Marie Kondo trend. Everyday I seem to find a few more things that I don’t need or that no longer “spark joy” and so I’m getting rid. At the moment “getting rid” just means putting them in the boot of my car…! So I actually need to make the effort to go to the charity shop to complete the transaction. I will have done this by the end of February.
The first weekend of March is hen do number 1, and to be honest I cannot wait. I’m excited to spend the weekend with my best friend and celebrating that she has found her forever.
Until then… xoxo